How Important is it to Set Boundaries in a Relationship?

We as humans often hear the importance of setting boundaries in our relationships, how to act with other people, where to draw a line and when to provide a benefit of the doubt- all because our mental peace must become our utmost priority.

Creating a boundary is about honoring yourself and your individuality, having to respect that you may differ from people and that your needs and wants may not align with theirs.

As Brene Brown once said, “Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.” 

Setting boundaries is a form of self-compassion, a secret love language from you-to you. It is the ability to make value-based decisions that systematize your choice according to their worth to create experiences that you want for yourself.

Let’s understand this more vividly through an example.,

Rajiv and Rakesh have been friends for a long time but their friendship has become tainted. You see, Rakesh needed some money to make payments and which he borrowed from Rajiv who gave it reluctantly thinking it was the first and last time only. Gradually, it became a habit. Rakesh would come and ask for money, never realizing that Rajiv might need it too. The more Rajiv delayed the more difficult it became for him to say No to his friend.

Slowly, the pile of loans became bigger, and return payments became smaller and before Rajiv even knew he was in deep financial trouble and Rakesh on the other hand was of no help.

What do you think happened here? 

And, do you feel that Rajiv was at peace even though he got entangled in monetary distress?

Without healthy boundaries, you may allow others to override your feelings and desires. You may get hurt by people who are very clear about what they want. Therefore, the fundamental nature of boundaries is differentiating what you want from what others want from you. It is as clear as not allowing others to walk all over you by disregarding and disrespecting your core beliefs and your actual being.

Some Important Types of Boundaries to Keep in Mind are:

• Mental: Freedom to have your thoughts, values, and opinions.
• Emotional: How emotionally available you are to others.
• Material: Monetary decisions, giving or lending to others.
• Internal:Self-regulations, energy expended on self v/s others.
• Conversational: Topics that you do and do not feel comfortable discussing.
• Physical: Privacy, personal space, and your body.
• Time: How much time you spend with someone or doing something.

Not everyone will like you. You can’t be all things to all people, family and friends included. You also won’t be invited or included in all of the things that you wish you were.

But even when some people don’t like you or what you do, they will likely still respect you for standing up for what you believe in. When we don’t respect our boundaries or another person’s boundaries, we can become psychologically disconnected, and we may end up doing more harm than good, doing this long-term can lead to feeling defeated, unworthy, resentful, and lonely.

It may become a little difficult and daunting, to begin with, but with careful consideration, you can create boundaries that are not only compassionate to yourself but to others around you as well. Your boundaries do not need to be perfect; they just need to be dynamic and evolving.

Not every stress is according to boundaries but longer time of depression and mental stress need proper diagnosis. There is a need of early intervention to prevent from disasters. So never neglect frequent mental stress level. It is a sign of mental illness.

If anyone is struggling with any kind of mental illness or depression, must consult or schedule a counseling session with psychiatrists.